he's forgotten but not yet gone

i become what i always hated
when i was with you then


i have no idea whats wrong with me. please don't leave me, don't replace me with someone else. the amount of silent pain i have gone through without you knowing makes me cringe by just thinking about it. i miss my best friend. fuck- can i even call you a best friend? i'm full of empathy and hate. it makes me sick to think that you can make me feel like crap but i can do nothing of the like. am i so that attached that i now feel jealousy, envy and even longing just to hear you acknowledge me. i used to mean something, and now i'm starting to think that i don't.



...i'm feeling anger mixed with nostalgia and sadness. oh let me tell you it's not the best combination



funny (and typical) how materialism made me feel a bit better. i played with my camera a lot today while in leederville and at home.



i can't stop marvelling at how sharp the images look, and capture every single line, texture, shape. the way it can catch the light on my wet hair and every different strand is nearly identifible. this is going to sound so typical like some line of a year nine girls myspace profile but god do i love photography and everything to do with it fer sure.
also, funny how materialism brings people together. this camera is a chance for my dad to talk to me and converse about something we both love and agree on instead of arguing.

today has been a weird day. i read the newspaper as i do on a regular basis. y'know just to get in touch with the 'world' around me. never have i been lead to tears by a newspaper article. didn't help much when i heard the same news was repeated on the radio in the car. this is what i thought --->



it was the news about the four year old girl who was thrown into the river. my initial reaction was "bastard = father!" but then i heard that he had something wrong mentally with him. so then i thought "stupid mother for leaving child with father!" but i suppose he could of just said he was looking after the child or something of that sort. and then i realised i'm never going to get a straight opinion out of the media.
but one thing i did feel that was real was sadness for the child. not pity, sadness. i felt sad that she's never going to experience everything in this world no matter how fucked up it is. she's never going to meet her first crush or going out to town with friends.
i was also sad that i'm never going to know the full story yet still feel sad for this nameless dead child. i only know the truth that has been manipulated by the media.