My life has been mediocore with endless books, daydreaming, note writing and distractions. I'm sorry theres nothing interesting to relevently type up or for you to read, I'm sorry. The solitude I have been living in with my text books as company has given me more time to reflect and review than I thought it would. Not as enjoyable as 'self time' that one usually has for oneself but still an escape from the constant Times New Roman and/or Arial size 12 print of words that are entering my cerebrum.
Life is so fucking bland. *currently at least
How do you tell someone that you never want to lose them? See, if its best friends, words with that sentimentality are not hard to express. But when it's someone whos just a close friend, someone that you message when you're bored or someone you tease when you have nothing else better to do, its extremely difficult to convey feelings and/or words of a deeper type of love. When you feel as if they are drifting further and further away, you realise its just excuses that you make up for the jealously in which you encase them with. Not jealous of them, but jealous that the attentions dried up. Jealously makes it seem so self fish and shallow. Maybe it's not the right word, but for now it seems to half sum it up perfectly. These feelings are not hormone infested with desires to be more than just friends. It is just a conundrum of friendship that one may not encounter as often. Is it obsession? Is it some sort of protective mechanism that humans have over their 'possessions' and 'self'? What is it? I don't fucking understand.
I wish I could just simply say "I don't want to lose you, ever."
But that would mean facing your fears and confrontation, both at which I am qualified as a likely offender.
Currently listening to: Nirvana
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