I'm hurt.
Did it ever mean jack shit to you? Did I ever mean anything to you?
You talk of being empathetic towards a certain person yet what if I in turn feel the same way?
What am I meant to do? Please, I wish there was some guide I could just read so I would stop feeling this way.

I wonder if every word spoken between us, every time we sat next to each other, every time we dedicated our time to each other meant anything at all. How fucking can it mean something when you're saying things, doing things, trying to fucking boast to me or something else rather, of her to me.

I really don't know what to do. The pretending game is only something younger kids do, and experience shows that it doesn't work anyway; you always end up back where you started. Even though pretending may prove to be some sort of nirvana for a short while, you still feel the pain, you still have the brain cells that preserve the memories. You can't just wipe someone away from your life however much you may wish it.
 Just give it time. But what if time is running out?

You make me so angry. But you also make me so mellow.
Sigh

The past few weeks have been great if you leave out the fucked up hormones, emotions- bad and good- flying all over the place, insults and bitchiness and the pain that we all felt. Victor and I went for a early morning bike ride (literally) yesterday and in some ways it refreshed me yet it also tired me out. It was fun, letting go of the belief of karma and doing anything that I internally wished without the intent of hurting anyone. The quiet streets of Mt Lawley and town were quite chilling yet also amazing to know that everyone in Perth (well nearly everyone) was in bed, all dreaming, collectively, at one time. The trees spoke to us and the traffic was non-existent except for two figures on their bikes and a few number of police cars and taxis.  
Then Lisa, Hannah and myself rampaged the streets of Perth highways/ freeways, Scarbourough and Leederville in Lisa's gold buggy. It felt like something out of a summer mainstream movie having all windows open, maxed volume on music that we listened to when we were twelve and happy voices.

Life is good, if only everything was good. I suppose we don't always get what we want.