for one crowded hour, you were the only one in the room

i woke up this morning with last nights make up and smoke still living on me, feeling like i should have one of those days brooding and deconstructing. my dream last night was more or less influenced by the people i surrounded with last night and the different feelings that was going through my head/ heart. i woke up with several images stapled to my concious mind after straining to remember what had happened in the quiet, dark hours of the morning to my unconcious mind. one- a sky that was combined with sophie and howl dancing amongst the soft curves of the clouds (not like the ones in japanese artworks, they are too sharp, more like a story book illustration) and beside them was laputa. laputa- a magnificant castle in the sky that one would wish to call home as soon as you set your eyes on.
two- a succession of images that joined together to make some sort of short moving picture... last night i went to a friend from highschools birthday gathering and it just got various nerves in my brain going off about how infatuated i am still with the past. so in conjunction to the people i saw and the feelings i felt had to do with this second "moving" image.

listening to soft, trance music now is making me feel all sad and stupid. at work the other day whilst cleaning the tables i realised that through this blog and my journal i convey myself as some weak, futile, all thoughtful and ambient soul. and then i start wanting life to have meaning behind every movement, word i hear, person i lay eyes on. for all my days to have purpose and something worthy to write and think about. which makes me seem like some stupid poetic human being who makes life seem like a drama. i want to change this. and take everyday as it just comes, and not have so many expectations. 

taken just now: peanut butter + crumpets, 
and hazelnut coffee

but i could never change what really composes my head. it would just be another failed attempt to change what i can't help but be.