I think I might have some disorder. I'm not sure what this disorder may be called since I am insufficient in knowledge to diagnose myself. But lately, my brains been just constantly churning, turning, folding and tangling. Today's been the worst, my sore throat returned and at work I just broke down. Regurgitated my lunch (which consisted of rye bread under the recommendation of Jas since she knows best and a fruit juice made by her) which coincidentally happened at the same time that I have been looking forward to for the past three days. I wished for all the hours and seconds in my day towards this one specific moment before the 'lunch rush' just coz I get to talk minimal social bullshit talk to this boy. But I don't mind because its him. Today he brought in a girl with him which confounded me since he's always by himself. Then this poses the question of strangers becoming acquaintances. It's so hard, you know nothing- nothing at all about each other. Except for the general 'how are you' which is replied with a general 'good thanks' because frankly, no one even gives a fuck.
I'm fuck all good with this relationship shit. I can never step up, be the bigger one, all I know is someone drunk with hands. I live in my dreams, my thoughts. Probably why my brains sick of this whimsical bullshit and my bodies suffering from the reality. I'm tired. I'm living in horoscopes, vivid dreams and fairytales. I direct my day to fit in with the words some lady/ male predicts. How am I meant to control?
I have two days to decide. Two days, so much could happen. I want to happen, maybe it could decide for me.
No comments:
Post a Comment