mr violin i love you, from a tree top, i was high on my own thoughts

Whats your name
Where ya from
What did you do
and why did you come
I need a reason for your being
I can't accept the truth

I wish I could start from the beginning again. Meet the people I know all over again. Be a different person. Let them know the real me. Mean something different to them. Show who I really am, who I can really be. Let them see a different side of me.

I really do try and I do know. I think pretending it doesn't hurt just makes it worse. Why does my brain have to be accustomed to make things worse then they are. I seem to always multiply the intensity by a gazillion which just ends up making me feel worse. I feel lonely. I feel no-one understands what I want them to understand, to make me seem less insane.

When you just feel like crying, no-one should never ever try and stop you. Cause you're going to end up losing those tears sooner or later anyway. But then the reason you felt like crying in the first place should be at least quite reasonable. This afternoon, I felt like crying because I saw two people associating which made my intestines turn inside out. Fuck, how pathetic is that. It's not my fault that I'm insecure. It's not my fault that I've been trying so long to get a decent fucking conversation yet this girl comes galvatramping out of no where and seems to have swept him off his fucking feet.
I know about a million people like the same guy but what can I say? He is an "enigmatic charisma" (Ludwig Josef Wittgenstein). That is the biggest clue ever.

I will pretend to not care. The earth is still revolving. Life goes on. I will act like nothing ever annoys me. Maybe it's because I complain so much and never try is the reason why. Then how am I meant to act? Like everythings fine? Because obviously it's not.

I'm sorry this is so personal. I've been trying to get into the habit of writing in my own personal literal journal again but typing seems so much easier. Then again the detail that goes into my personal journal is much more in depth.

I wanted to wag concert band this afternoon but none of my friends were willing. :( I get these random bouts of being a rebel but no one wanted to come along with me!! I was so so so close in getting Phil to come but then Major saw :( I guess the only reason I wanted to run away and escape was because of all the pressure and stress I was feeling. I got home after band and had the longest shower. I fell asleep with my hair wet which is a bad thing. Vair bad. My family had dinner without me which I don't really mind about because I like having dinner by myself anyway. Now I'm really meant to be being a good year twelve student trying to make her future full of opportunity and shit through studying.

I feel like making a list..... what made Annie happy today?

-Seth gave me two lolly bags instead of one in Literature today
-Ms Daly let us eat the lollies while writing our in-class essays
-SHORTENED PERIODS FTW!
-The really cute cupcakes we ate in Applicable
-The weather while sitting in the middle of the oval with friends

It's so sad that most of that list compiled has to do with food. And its also sad that there's only five points :(

Heheh, I just called Robert. He was asleep and he said that I should call back because he was too tired to move his chin while talking :}

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through

I want to feel more emotions. I feel immature when it comes to feelings. Feelings: motional or moral sensitivity (especially in relation to personal principles or dignity). I want to meet someone who can make me feel everything; love, hate, jealously, safe, sad, angry, secure, pleased, happy.

I think it's time for bed for Annie.
Love muchly.