"What are you doing annie?"
"Just my homework" .... I really don't know what I'm doing, meant to be doing. Pretending.
I just fucking don't know anymore.
I care. I really do care. But I can't be bothered caring anymore.
I want to give up, but I can't. Something keeps on pulling me back.
I try so hard yet I still get nothing out of it. Neither does he so what's the point?
...I really don't know.
I miss someone I'm not meant to miss.
I feel a way that I'm not meant to feel.
What is this feeling?
I need a feeling dictionary to define it. So I don't get it mixed up with hate.
It somehow seems mildly that everyone is growing up but me. What's even worse is that I see photos of 13, 14 year old girls with alcohol in their hands. What is happening to the world? I remember I had just as much fun without alcohol when I was at that age. I'm everything but conservative but my views may seem a bit "old fashioned"? I know for sure when I have children that I don't want them to be growing up with alcohol on their mind until their at least 16. But when my own friends seem to be 'off their face', it just makes me feel a bit isolated. Not XXX because that's the stupidest label ever since slut and whore. I just feel that alcohol seems to be a large social factor that everyone has but me(?)
I remember studying prohibition in history last year. Alcohol was seen as some tyranny which turned people into monsters and villains. What I did when I heard this last year was "hahahahaha". But now I'm seeing that it probably is true. I'm scared that my friends aren't really who they are yet alcohol shows their real self. I mean what if when their sober they embody what a good friend is with good 'morals' and 'ethics' yet when drunk they are really ..... dodgy looking? People I wouldn't usually associate with.
Fuck I sound like a mum and I'm not saying I'm like afraid of alcohol. Yeah, I drink sometimes too but not until I turn into someone I'm not or who I'm meant to be.
I know my place. I know my standing. I know what I believe in, what I strive for.
But what if I don't trust myself?
I feel like having an epiphany (divine manisfestation) from life.
I'm sick of scenesters. I'm sorry but just because you buy 2$ t-shirts, designer jeans, have a poloriod camera and walk on the streets with your Ray Bans and divluge in green tea does not make you any different from the other people in the world. By constructing your image like this does not make you any cooler or dam worthier to be living on the earth. Ok- sometimes I am the biggest complainer and hypocrite in this world but trust me, blogging is the only place where I show my true thoughts. So if you're thinking that I am some attention seeking little girl, please fuck off.
I swear the only true people to their image was back in the Victorian times where girls wore huge curtain skirts and actually held conservative views like they had to.
I'm not against fashion or any means of op-shopping or photography- hell, I'm into all that shiz too. But when people go tramping around Mt. Lawley and Fremantle thinking they own the place because of their super radical image, it just pisses me off.
Love sincerely Annie.
2 comments:
Check out annies blog shes a nutcase, dont take it out straight edge annie,
Thats my two lovin' cents :}
I don't drink. I'm 15, so it might not seem like much of an acheivement but when everyone around me is constantly wrecked it's something I'm kinda' proud of. I know how you feel :)
Anyways, you hate Lord of the Flies?! Then again, I always hate books that are set by school.. I did exactly the same thing for 'Of Mice And Men'. Sparks notes are a lifesaver :)
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