Once you get into the habit, you can't stop. I don't want to and I don't have to, but I am.
I'm scared of revealing myself more and more to people through a computer screen, pixelations and words stitched together to make sense. When in reality, I don't make sense, I hardly delve into anything outside my head, and I am definitely more pixelated.
Once upon a time, this was used as an outlet and it still is. But at this present moment, I want to keep everything in before it all comes out. When people didn't know and I wanted them to know, I kept to myself, then splurged once I was away from everyone else. But now, I've met and know more people (regardless of the fact I have zero models available for me to shoot in the near future) and I think that these fantasies and words are for people who don't and people I know I trust.

I hate it when strangers get to close to my psyche. The last person that I nearly let all in lasted a month before I told him "you don't know me at all." And he didn't, because I was scared he was going to, slowly and a deathly move.
I can do that, turn cold and un-inviting, to even people I thought I loved. But people, people scare the shit out of me. That's why I hate them so much.

And that's why I'm going to keep this to a bare minimum. I'm angsty, pessimistic and hateful but on the other side, I'm still full of the sweet lovey dovey pink purple yellow and green stuff. People I know, and loved, but they didn't know, the chance I never got, so I'm going to save it for people who I want for them to know.

I know I don't make any sense at all, but I guess I'm just saying, that's the point.