Re-emission of feelings and thoughts that were barricaded a long, long while ago. I have had a subconscious knowledge of them peeping, keeping an eye out for any sign of weakness... waiting for that tick to come along and set it all off. The past few months have been so bearable (in consideration of this manner) but now that my body is overflowing with lost love and set-up fantasies my mind is fucked with how to deal with it.
With time comes a slow increase in age, constant, and with this comes a preconception of what is expected. Expectations turn into habit, without knowing as well until acknowledged. Since a young girl, I've always believed in jinxing. That once you think of a situation or a person to your own liking (inside your head), that it will never ever be that way in reality. Only in your head.
It's become impossible; these things were barricaded for a reason, so that I could be happy with you by myself, in my head. Would life be any different?
I persuaded myself, forced myself, to give up. Giving up on trivial things is always easy. But with this, it's always been so hard. In reality, you were (are?) a lost cause. In my head, you were always still alive. Now that you've spontaneously set the reality off again, I'm not sure if I ever gave up in the first place. 
Bodily stress and harm. I don't have time. Neither do you. We both do nothing. We leave it be. Go on with our lives, without the presence of each other. Time passes and it'll close up again. You'll just become a face in the cloud again.