Whenever I feel overwhelmed, taken and lost in this place I read and revise my History notes. (and listen to Bright Eyes). Not only does it allow me to feel like I'm using my time academically and wisely, it removes me from both the present time and place. Plucks me out of my own little sad bubble and into a time where spice trades and emerging colonies were transforming the world into a capitalist society. To become the world we live in now. And where we are now, and what matters to me most now, has no place or worry back then. Non-existent. Feelings and thoughts that reign my mind would be seen trivial and irrelevant. What mattered was ships from the Dutch islands or the New World finding new land and spaces. Indigenous tribes and people that seemed both intriguing and terrifying at the same time.
History plays in my head. Napoleon occupied Netherlands and dissolved the Dutch East India Company. The cultivation system was invented. In 1837, seventy per cent of Javanese farmers were producing export crops as part of this system.

There are bigger problems to worry about.
We are all just ants.